he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
