morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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