even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
