I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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