Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i believe in u and ur pee
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
