What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
