He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
