i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
