i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
