Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
