I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
