The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
