Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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