I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize