If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
