Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
