Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
