I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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