So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
