If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
