I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
