I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize