sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
