someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize