maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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