Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
