I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
