I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
