Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
