Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
