Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
