Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
