I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
