mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
