we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
