who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dicks are not precious.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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