I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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