Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
