I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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