tell your sister to shave her snatch
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
