During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
