i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
