Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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