I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
