I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
