we made out on top of his cat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
