is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
