i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
