I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
