My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
