Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize