i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
