She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
