I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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