Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
