I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
