I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
