i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just had sex bonerless
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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