used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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