I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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