I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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