now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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