hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
