smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
